A walking target after dark .. to.. embracing change!

I’d like to take this opportunity to write on some experiences I felt the night of the match in Uruguay, as they reflect a common sentiments that I’ve often felt in BsAs as well.

As soon as the sun started setting the night of the game, I found myself once again contemplating whether I should begin to head home, or in this case heading back to the hostel, before darkness set in; I needed to consider whether I’d have company walking home or whether I’d be able to find a taxi home easily.

After dark, my difference, not so much based on my nationality, but the difference and increased vulnerability I face as a woman, is much more pronounced. I feel like a walking target, more so when I’m alone. This is a strange feeling for me because I have always been independent and am not one to give up my independence easily.

Furthermore, I do not at all like to succumb to the idea of needing a man, simply due to his biological sex, to protect me. I feel comfortable in my own skin. Here though, I’ve realized that if I need to walk alone after dark, I find myself trying to blend in as much as possible as to not attract attention. I do not appear frightened or worried, but I am quite conscious of what many of these men are thinking when they stand on the side of the street or walk by me sending kisses and winks my way, looking at me in a way that makes me feel bare, making provocative remarks as I walk down the street, or biting their lips, and smiling.

It’s been very unsettling for me to notice this fear/insecurity/lack of confidence in myself. (mom, I can almost hear you saying, sweetheart be careful!! don't worry mom...I am, I promise...) I constantly find myself repeating an inner dialogue telling me to let it go, to keep walking without much regard to this behavior, as it is just a new cultural norm to get used to. This type of teasing behavior is expected of men here due to the widespread culture of ‘machismo’ among the male population, and thus, not outwardly condemned by men or women. Don't get me wrong, this is not all men. Second, teasing is mostly just what is it. Most do not go further than this.

In addition to this inner dialogue I have, I also, of course, take extra precautions such as taking a backpack instead of a purse (many people wear their backpacks in the front esp. in the subway - not only tourists) and trying not to be out on my own after dark (although this is not always possible because its winter here in Argentina and it gets dark quite early), and trying to avoid ! At the same time, I am getting more comfortable as I get to know my neighborhood better, and life is good :)

One more caveat: Focusing on sameness not difference

I sometimes try and stay on my cell phone, even just in order to feel that sense of companionship as I walk through the dimly lit and quiet nights. However, in that moment that I pull out my cell phone, I begin to feel almost like a double target, not only because of my gender, but also due to the $$$ signs that are then prescribed to me (in certain neighborhoods). As I recently commented on another friend’s blog: although I do not define myself by my gender, I often feel that is the first and sometimes only characteristic that others see when they look at me; if there is a second defining characteristic, it is that I am a foreigner. An inviting target perhaps where poverty, lack of access to basic human rights and opportunities are the norm…

Despite the nervous feeling I sometimes get, and the despite the change in behavior that I have had to conform to for reasons of safety and security, things so far have been great, and I am positive that they will continue this way. Taxi drivers have been so kind, waiting for me until I enter my door at night (without being requested to do so), always advising me to be careful as a woman in Buenos Aires, not carry a purse etc.

Daytime also is perfectly fine, just the ordinary caution that one would take anywhere he/she goes. The city is beautiful, incredible, and its diversity cannot be overstated. Furthermore, I don’t think for a moment that these feelings of insecurity are unique to BsAs, Argentina or Latin America. Very similar occurrences happen frequent on some streets of Toronto even! It’s challenging, we’ll overcome it, and it will be a testament to our strength, insight, and adaptability.

At the end of the day: be cautious, have fun, EMBRACE CHANGE!

At the end of the day, I believe it’s fundamentally about embracing change. It’s about drive, determination, and enthusiasm to learn to tread through unfamiliar waters, knowing that you will succeed, and taking the steps necessary to make that happen.

So, to sum up the last few weeks, between soccer games, moving to a new apartment, welcoming winter vacation in Argentina, celebrating holidays such as the Day of the Flag and Independence Day, anticipating whether or not Argentina will be the first Latin American country to pass gay marriage legislation (which by the way, culminated in victory!), regular life in Argentina is once again starting to show its face.

I’ll end today’s blog with a wonderfully simple yet profound quote written by Senator Norma Morandini (a member of the president’s party in Argentina), in her support for the legalization of same-sex civil unions: "What defines us is our humanity, and what runs against humanity is intolerance."

If we can look past cultural and lingual differences, we’ll soon realize there is indeed a common thread of sameness that unites us. We all have the same basic needs, the same emotions that run through us. Better yet, if we do not enter with preconceptions at all, we will be able to readily absorb much of what is going on around us, as opposed to searching for comfort through McDonald’s, Starbucks, and Hard Rock Café in the new countries we are in, and more in the company of the wonderful local people, partaking in their customs, drinking their coffee, and exploring their country without regret or reservation :)

Until next time...take care and keep smiling...

Aliza